Rewriting Bloated Sentences [Logo]
Villanova University This quiz was prepared by Michel Foley, a student in Professor Karyn Hollis's Tutor Training course at Villanova University.

Directions: Rewrite the sentence to eliminate the "inflated language," language that is overly formal, pompous, and wordy. When you are finished with each sentence (or, if you wish, wait until you've done them all), click on "Grammar's Suggested Rewrite," which will reveal how we would rewrite the sentence. Your sentence is apt to look quite different from our sentence, but as long as both sentences are leaner, more efficient models of the bloated original, we've accomplished our purpose. Don't cheat by looking at Grammar's Version first.

1. An investigation of the symbolic overtones in Melville's "Billy Budd, Sailor" reveals the opposing personas of Billy Budd's naivete and Claggart's vituperative demeanor.

    

2. The motor vehicle propelled itself up the cliff and landed in nature's watery bosom.

    

3. In hopes of rejuvenating their romantic liaison, the couple went on a pilgrimage to become one with nature.

    

4. A mathematical mindset best suits the making of decisions that profoundly affect this company's future business relations.

    

5. Joe found that the fictional novel by Alcott conveyed a sense of emotion and feeling.

    

6. Smoking tobacco can cause humans to suffer unnecessary consequences.

    

7. The existence of computers and computer technology has greatly influenced commercial enterprise and information exchange.

    

8. Sometimes a particular part of one musical piece affects the listener more than another piece in its entirety.

    

9. Attentive focusing on the professor's informational lecture was not always completely possible.

    

10. After extensive nightly labors on an academic assignment, Sally needed a lengthy period of somnolence.

    

If you wish to erase your answers and try again, click here.

Concise Sentences

Quiz List

Guide to Grammar and Writing